Firefly continues to grow on track, as evidenced by my heartburn and my mother’s insistence that I appear to be more in bump with 38 weeks than 33. Everyone else says I look so small, and as someone with a deep-seated fear of not growing a healthy-sized baby, I’m running them all out and listening to my midwives and mother! He should be hitting on the order of about 4.5 lbs by now, which is just over half of Linnea’s total birth weight. That feels pretty wild.
The girls continue to be fully ensconced in abstract love for this little sibling. They greet my belly in the morning and kiss him goodbye when I leave for work. Darwin worried me briefly the other day when she announced she didn’t want him to ever come out. I gave her a chance to talk through it and it came out that she loves feeling him kick in my belly and doesn’t want that to end. Be still my mama heart.
Life continues to be…deeply hard in a few ways (the phrase “things fall apart” comes to mind), but for the most part the important things are good, and I’m finally at the point of drawing on the strength of my friendships, family, and community to get through. It’s an amazing feeling to receive support and love from all corners the moment I am in need. In all honesty, if I’d known the litany of crises this year held for me back in December, I may have made a very different choice about growing my family. So I’m damn glad I didn’t know!
33 weeks feels like a big deal. I’m now at the point of actually thinking about the birth in more detail, and, as (or really more) importantly, the post-partum. I’ll be able to take at least 12 weeks of leave, and stretch that if I’m able to work a few hours here and there from home, which I will definitely do. I had to start back after 11 weeks with Darwin due to the dreaded money situation, for which I’ll always be just a little bit sad, so I’m glad that I’ve built a more flexible and supportive situation this time. Especially since both girls will be in preschool again this year.