I’ve wanted kids for as long as I can remember. It’s probably a good thing I’m a lesbian, because seriously, I’m sure I would have ended up making the leap into parenthood way earlier than was good for me otherwise! However, in my happy little vision of parenthood, I never really seriously considered that there might be more than two. I grew up the second of two. Most of my friends were one of two, or only children. The only family with my direct extended relatives (my generation) with more than two had twins to get to three. I come from a family of low rates of reproduction.
Leah and I have always talked about the possibility of more than two. But never seriously. And now here we are with two amazing girls and…I don’t feel done. This both scares and excites me. I talked about possibly carrying more kids after Darwin was born, but in my head I was saying it as a way to be ok with being done with that role. Yes, backwards, I know.
I worry about having more kids and never feeling done. Maybe this is me being done, and I just have to live with a comma rather than a period.
And how silly and crazy is it to be having these thoughts with a toddler and a newborn? Less than two weeks old and already thinking about another? (And another because that’s the deal – we end with evens). Some of it stems from seeing Darwin with Linnea. She’s jealous sometimes, but mostly she wants to hold her hand and share her crackers and pat her head. I know from experience that much of their sibling interactions will not be harmonious, and that’s ok, because they are sisters and family and amazing.
This doesn’t even touch on thoughts of money, space, energy, time, thoughts from my family, our midwife (who clearly never actually wants to retire. Ever), or implications for my work. Maybe I’ll start a mini blog series dedicated to these ideas.
For my own food for thought, how many of you, my friends, felt done with one, or two, or three (or more)? How many of you are done even if you never felt done, and how do you hold that reality?